This last winter in Norway got me down. Like waaay down. It was dark and grey and I felt a bit like a caged animal. I was very uncertain about my direction in life, I missed surfing, swimming with whales and playing on the beach. Each drop of rain felt heavy like it was adding to an almost unbearable burden of "what´s the meaning of it all?"
With spring came a beautiful, though challenging, time of renewal. I quit my job, faced a bunch of my inner demons (self-limiting thoughts and more…), kicked their butts out of my mind (no more holding back or standing in my own way), and found solace in connecting with my original direction: the direction which is in line with my soul purpose (meaning: it is what my heart/inner voice/intuition tells me is right for me at any given moment).
I have always tried to follow my heart, and I have rarely veered off the path that my heart guides me to. I try to live as closely as possible to my philosophy that
"what FEELS right IS right for me".
This winter´s depression was an unusual thing for me, and as I used the spring to work through my emotions and learn from them, I realized that I had gone far off my trustworthy path of following my heart. In short: I learned a lot about myself this spring.
Winter in the north is dark. It´s long. it´s cold. So long, dark and cold that I think I had almost forgotten, or at least had let go of, any expectations of summer. With spring, nature literally exploded and each little bud on each little branch made my mood brighter and my feeling of being grounded and connected with my heart and soul purpose again, stronger. My confidence and energy came back, and I knew I was back on track. I enjoyed every moment of spring so much that I didn't even think about summer. I was living in the moment which to me is certain sign of being happy :)
Then came summer. THE summer. Holidays. Peace. Quiet. Sun. Ocean. Little red cottage on a island without electricity. Family time. Wildlife. Beach. Blue skies. Standup paddling in the fjord. Yoga on the sunwarm rocks. Collecting seaweed with our 4-year old daughter and pretending it is spaghetti. Finding seashells. Freediving without a wetsuit (in Norway?!?!?) Salty hair. Outdoors. Outdoors. Outdoors.
Life is not always easy and this winter was a tough one for me. But looking back I see how it is sometimes a good thing to veer off track for a moment: the result is that I feel way more clear about my life, more confident, settled and happy. Sometimes I suppose going in the wrong direction makes you become really clear about what is the right direction. Having to work through our emotional baggage is not comfortable, but it´s necessary because only when we start recognizing that we are keeping ourselves back, when we see that our own thoughts don't serve us and actually stand in our way, then we get the opportunity to become aware, and to release those thoughts and mind patterns.
When we deal with our emotional baggage one bag at a time, we get to learn about ourselves in a whole new way. We get to move on….
Just like the seasons, we transform throughout our lives. This year I feel particularly in touch with the seasons: Winter was the season when I hibernated, hid, felt cold, lost and alone. With spring came renewal, revival and new sprouts (ideas, life, creativity, energy, light and lightness). Summer is the time to shine, be social, enjoy, delve into nature and be healed by the abundant flow of positive energy that exists in our world. Fall and winter will be here soon enough, but the thought of winter does not scare me now. I trust the cycles of life to ALWAYS bring me to a better place. Even the toughest winter can be a blessing in disguise.